It seems like when I was in school almost everyone I knew worked at General Motors.  Then there teachers, receptionists, secretaries, policemen, firemen, and the people who worked at the banks, stores, restaurants, etc.  A lot of women didn't work at that time but my mom had her cosmetology license as plan B to take care of the two of us if anything happened to Dad.  It was a good solid plan.  That was pretty much it from the way I saw it.  Boy was I wrong.

Although I am sure I never contemplated the variety of career options available to me and whether or not I felt there was enough to choose from, I did learn by graduation that I had a few more options.  By that time women in the work place were more common.  There were lawyers, accountants, doctors, social workers, psychiatrists, psychologists, and.... that was pretty much it from the way I saw it.  But I wasn't really satisfied.

When it came time to  meet with the guidance counselor I was advised of my options.  I could major in psychology, sociology, or marketing.  I wasn't interested in teaching but I bet Education was an option.  But I wanted to be a writer I told him.  What can I do to pursue that?  He asked what kind of writing and where I wanted to work.  I said I didn't really know what was available to me.  How do I write for the paper?  How do I publish a book?  How can I write technical stuff for product manuals?  I remember his face was sort of blank and he said there was a creative writing class I could available but it fills pretty quickly and it is likely already closed.  "How about psychology?"

Hmph.  I was a kid and didn't know any better so I said, "okay."  I dropped out a year and a half later.  I've had great job opportunities even without my degree, but if I NEEDED to begin a new life and new career and support myself and my kids right now I would surely have trouble getting hired at the wage I need.  Last year I started pursuing my original career path, writing, again.  Although I wouldn't consider my earnings a "salary", my income is growing and opportunities get a little bigger as I go along.  Although not as financially sound as I have been in the past, I have a satisfaction about me that I have never had.  But still...

How come I never knew about jobs like FORENSIC SCIENTISTS back in the day?  I mean, there were cops chasing bad guys, right?  Who knew there was a whole team of people around them doing cool stuff assisting the cops.  Not me.  I don't know what I would have done differently or things would even have interested me then like they do now, but it sure seemed limited to me then.

During my early days in the job force, working at American Eagle, The Limited, filing for a doctor, and managing video stores I always felt like I wasn't doing my part.  I don't want my kids to feel the same way one day.  I don't want my son looking up from his conventional drafting job one day to see the people around him discovering advancements in mesothelioma treatment, inventing alternate energy sources or even training dolphins at Sea World and wonder, "why didn't I know about that?"

Maybe it was the region where lived or the blue collar tradition around us.  Maybe the competition for those jobs was fierce.   I'm not sure.  But I wish my guidance counselor would have told me about it anyway.

Senior life insurance and retirement communities are not something I think about often, but having just reached 40, they are not such distant things anymore, are they?

It seems like I blinked and then I opened my eyes back up in an old person's life.  I don't FEEL old.  My mind is even stronger and more clear than five years ago. I am as immature as ever, casting my Adam Lambert votes on American Idol, preferring EMINEM to my Dad's insistence that I would come to my senses one day and appreciate country music, and having as good a time watching the Kids Choice Awards as do my children.  And although I have been out of shape for a spell, I am getting healthy again.  So no, it's not that I feel old.

But I do see the world from a different view.  I still want to ride the roller coaster but my notions of queasiness have been replaced by worries of malfunction and plummeting to my death.  I still like to go for bike rides but instead of trying to avoid steep hills I worry about running into weirdos.  More than ever I appreciate the sweet smell of the fresh clean air and sounds of the breeze and wind chimes.  But I consider the possibility that if I leave the windows open someone might snatch my kids.  And when I think about my future and set goals, I am more intense as I am aware that I might not have enough time to achieve them.

Don't mistake that for a negative or fearful outlook.  It's very much the opposite.   I don't avoid any of those things or make decisions out of fear.  I am simply more aware of the world and that there are more potential outcomes than I realized were possible as a kid.  And when I look forward I don't necessarily think my time is shortened because of my age, I just realize that young or old you have no idea how much time you have left.

It's not fear that possesses me as I look through my more mature eyes.  It is awareness.  Thankfulness. Wonder.  I am so grateful for all that I have and have done.   I want to experience as much more of it as I can so I know that now is the time to speed up, not slow down.  Fight for more causes because I can.  And hold onto a youthful spirit and optimism until my very last breath.  There is simply too much goodness at our disposal on this earth and I want to touch every bit of it that I can. 

I have always been one to put thought into things.  Not so much analyzing and looking for angles or solutions, but simply evaluating. Taking mental notes.  But something different is brewing inside me.  I feel like I am making a huge important choice and I am not completely aware of it.

I have spent literally my lifetime  reaching.  Although I have always been happy and never felt as if I NEEDED more to be happy, I just knew there WAS more and since the world is constantly evolving so should I.  By the time I reached thirty I had enjoyed at least a decade of near perfection in the way my mind and body felt.  My body was healthy and strong and my mind was in tune with the universe.  Everything just sort of flowed.  Not that it was without challenge or struggle, but everything made sense for the most part and I was at ease. 

Somewhere into my 30's I lost focus.  The order and peace was replaced by chaos, clutter, and the descent into poor health.  

I have heard and read about people reaching a "crossroads" in life and having to make a choice.  I have NEVER experienced that.  If I made a hugely important choice somewhere along the line I was not aware of it. I can think of a couple of bad choices I made that are still impacting me today, but they were just "decisions".  Nothing mystical, spiritual, or ... the way I think of "crossroads".  

What I feel now is "unsettled".  "Unsatisfied".  I feel very "off course" and like there is something I need to do.  We all wonder why we are here and we spend our lives SEARCHING for purpose, right?  But that's not what I am feeling.  It's like I have found it and am so close, but don't quite "get" it.  But it is drawing me in.

A couple of weeks ago I was delivering girl scout cookies to a friend who ordered them from my daughter.  By the time I left she had offered me a job at the insurance agency where she works.  My initial response was "no way" I haven't done the 9 to 5 in years.  My kids are too young, daycare is too expensive," and so on.  But as I thought about it, it was a perfect situation.  It was a half mile from my house and the hours did not interfere with getting my kids to and from work.  My real estate commissions had become too small and inconsistent and this job would ease our current financial struggles.  

On paper it made sense and I tried to make it FEEL like a gift from the universe at the very time I was feeling like a change was coming. But it DIDN'T feel like that.  It wasn't the job itself that didn't appeal to me.  I had never worked in this field nor had experience with insurance quotes and premiums and such so the whole experience would have been a big change.  I would be learning a new trade, obtaining new licensing and letting my real estate license expire.  It was too much to absorb... the idea of starting all over in a new field that I didn't feel any calling from.  Does that make sense?  Just too big of a commitment when my heart was elsewhere.

A scheduled "day job" would mean giving up on the new social media job my real estate broker was designing for me.  How much it will pay and when it will begin are all up in the air... but I REALLY want it.  And it would leave little time to work on the books I am writing, one being a project with my daughter9.  Then there is that overwhelming force that is still drawing me.  The insurance job didn't seem to connect with that at all.  

As a kid I thought I was put on this earth to help.  I thought my "calling" was to one day provide a home and become family for a child who may not otherwise have had the chance.  That "calling" never once wavered and I did just that in 2003.  Not one kid but two!  The following years were difficult and challenging beyond my imagination but one day last year I noticed, "Hey! My kids are MINE!  They no longer hate me.  Wait... we are in GENUINE love."  We were a family and had made a home together.  WOW.  

So it's been a year and although I can't mark when the restlessness started, I do know that it bends from urgent chatter to still and quiet when my daughter talks to me about her "action plans" for helping the planet.  And when my thoughts then wander back to me around her age and my strong desire to "help" it livens up again, but with an unmistakable positive energy.  I was going to do so many things.  I was going to teach people to read who never learned, I was going to volunteer at the hospital to hold AIDS babies.  I would participate in events and raise money.  And I did do a lot of those things.  Once I adopted my kids, though, I became absorbed in my own problems.  And rightly so, the kids needed my undivided focus at that time to heal.  But in the back of my mind brewed distress and pain for my declining community.

This is where my thoughts always bring me when the restlessness distracts me.  Back to my community and women and children.  By accident last week I joined a women's group.  WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN kind of thing.  The people and "coincidences" that came into my life as a direct result of that meeting are too amazing to call anything but the Universe at work.  

The inspiration put a community project in mind but I am scared.  Although I have been dabbling in its creation, I haven't yet fully committed.  I am insecure in part because I have been so reclusive over the last couple of years that I am freaked out about going out and getting so involved.  But also because this is out of my comfort zone.  It's work I have never done and have no leads, no connections, no resources.  Well at least I didn't until YESTERDAY when THEY found ME.  

So this is I think my crossroads.  Do I take the safe job I have no connection with and live happily ever after?  Or do I take a leap of faith into the unknown direction I'm drawn to and start making a fool of myself while I learn the ropes and take this chance to do something bigger than, yet still including, my private "happily ever after"?  I think I have already made my decision.  I just needed to put it all in order. :-)  It feels right.

Well I have just about had it.  I have had it to my eyeballs with automotive talk.  The Big 3, The Big mergers, the big dumb asses, the big pay cuts, and all the other big nonsense.  I wish we could just leave town and start over.  But then again, I don't want to leave town.  What's a girl to do?

My husband has been working at Chrysler for about fifteen years, I guess.  We were proud of the product at the time, the style of the cars was progressive and unique and it felt like they were really moving forward from their past woes.  But it wasn't long before all the negativity began.  I remember Hubs saying he was probably not going to five years.  After those five years he felt like he was on borrowed time.  The old timers did all they could to keep the new guys feeling insecure.  It's been this way all along.  I never let any of the rumors bother me.  Until now anyway.

The media has literally driven me nuts with their concocted and flip flopping stories. I became obsessed with it and got trapped in a miserable funk.   Finally I realized it was all crap and nobody knew anything so the news was banned from our living room.   This Fiat thing and the deadline has me feeling worked up again.  I don't think we can take much more.

A while back I was dreaming about vacationing at the Outer Banks.  Now I want to live there!  To leave here, not look back and live there. Although,  I suspect a house on an island off the Carolinas  might be pricey and we would be unemployed... so that could be a problem... I will have to give a little more thought to that plan.

I don't really want to leave Michigan right now anyway, if I can help it.  I mean, I always WANT to leave Michigan because I hate the winter, but I don't want to leave it at a time like NOW where so many people are suffering.  I am still waiting for  the fabulous idea to come to me that helps bring health to my community.

In the meantime, I am returning to the NO NEWS rule at the house. It's the only way I can be be able to figure it out! 

Well I have just about had it.  I have had it to my eyeballs with automotive talk.  The Big 3, The Big mergers, the big dumb asses, the big pay cuts, and all the other big nonsense.  I wish we could just leave town and start over.  But then again, I don't want to leave town.  What's a girl to do?

My husband has been working at Chrysler for about fifteen years, I guess.  We were proud of the product at the time, the style of the cars was progressive and unique and it felt like they were really moving forward from their past woes.  But it wasn't long before all the negativity began.  I remember Hubs saying he was probably not going to five years.  After those five years he felt like he was on borrowed time.  The old timers did all they could to keep the new guys feeling insecure.  It's been this way all along.  I never let any of the rumors bother me.  Until now anyway.

The media has literally driven me nuts with their concocted and flip flopping stories. I became obsessed with it and got trapped in a miserable funk.   Finally I realized it was all crap and nobody knew anything so the news was banned from our living room.   This Fiat thing and the deadline has me feeling worked up again.  I don't think we can take much more.

A while back I was dreaming about vacationing at the Outer Banks.  Now I want to live there!  To leave here, not look back and live there. Although,  I suspect a house on an island off the Carolinas  might be pricey and we would be unemployed... so that could be a problem... I will have to give a little more thought to that plan.

I don't really want to leave Michigan right now anyway, if I can help it.  I mean, I always WANT to leave Michigan because I hate the winter, but I don't want to leave it at a time like NOW where so many people are suffering.  I am still waiting for  the fabulous idea to come to me that helps bring health to my community.

In the meantime, I am returning to the NO NEWS rule at the house. It's the only way I can be be able to figure it out! 

I have a bone to pick with someone today but I am not sure who.  Mother Nature?  Father Time?  The Almighty himself? Since Mother Nature is a woman I can probably release her from any responsibility.  The injustice plagued upon women vs. men in the aging process is clearly the work of a man.

My husband took a page out of my book today and was looking in the mirror saying how ugly he was. Now when I have these moments and try to fish for some words of encouragement, all I get is something like, "Well you know, if you want it bad enough you gotta work for it" or "Yeah, remember when you used to look just like Jennifer Aniston?"  Even so, my natural response was to immediately boost him up. 

I started speaking the words before I even looked up at him.  "Why would you say that?   You are so handsome."  By the time my head was lifted and I was looking at him, my sentence trailed off a little bit.  I shouldn't admit that I haven't really "looked" at my husband lately.  I just "know" what he looks like.  We're still in the early stages of parenthood where we're exhausted, stressed out, and often irritated with one another.  Anyway, so I really looked at him and he is so handsome!  His blue eyes are so expressive and his skin so smooth and youthful.  He doesn't even have any wrinkles and at 42 he is two years older than me!

I don't have wrinkles either, I guess.  But I'm significantly rounder and grumpier.  I guess it is not bad enough that side by side at this time he is aging so much more gracefully than i am, but he also has to be getting kinder and gentler.  Whereas I have fit four decades worth of bitchy into the last 2 years.  

I have always been extremely compassionate, affectionate, and kind while Hubs was grouchy and confrontational.  Now he's all precious and loving and I am stressed and want to punch everyone in my family right between the eyes.  

Women's aging issues are plentiful:   facial fuzz sprouting over the top lip, stray hairs elsewhere, belly pouches, saddle bags, spreading butts, and dragging boobs.  What's a guy have to worry about? Whether or not to pursue hair loss treatments. And maybe a beer belly.  

It's not fair!  How did we switch dispositions and how do I get mine back?  And why does he look better and I look worse?   Somebody needs to come up with some answers.  I'm not going to stand for it much longer. :-)

Mortgage rates are continuing to drop near all time lows which is great for home buyers but only brings stimulation to one side.  With average house prices also at all time lows, sellers find themselves unable to sell.  The incentives and motivation are still too one sided to create an even, healthy flowing market.

Historically, the housing market has bopped back and forth between "buyer's market" and "seller's market". Like most markets, the terms mean nothing.  They are fabricated scenarios designed to sway things in one way or another, raise prices or lower them, slow down the economy or speed it up.  

At a time like this, though, one could use the term "buyer's market" and actually be right on target.  Not only because mortgage rates are low and housing prices even lower, but because in contrast, sellers are screwed.  This is definitely not their market.

Thanks to all the low priced repos, the competition for the average seller is fierce.  Add to that the sad fact that repos scattered everywhere have brought home values down, sellers are being forced to bring tens of thousands of dollars to the closing table if they want to sell.  If a seller is also buying, he can justify "giving" his house away because he is likely going to get the same kind of steal when he buys.  But what about the people who just need to sell because they are moving or have lost their jobs?  They just have to accept the fact that their equity left the building long ago and they have to pay if they want to sell.

This was never supposed to happen.  Buying a house is supposed to be a sound investment.  How are we ever going to fix this?  It is going to take more than a low interest rate for buyers to make up for the home owners who have been wronged.  

I have not tried enough weight loss supplements in my day to do a post on diet pill reviews, but I have experienced one diet pill and I LOVE it. Adipex. It's super effective and a little intimidating so I thought I would give my take on it in hopes that someone who needs it might find it.  

I have mentioned Adipex (generic: Phentermine) a few times before, having recently started taking it and noticing great results.  I'm going more technical today.

Phentermine is an appetite suppressant and energy booster.  The appetite suppressant is so powerful that it wouldn't matter which of my favorite foods you put in front of me I am not the least bit tempted.  In fact, I'm a little repulsed.  This is great for me because "hunger" is not really my issue.  Snacking is.  So when everyone goes to bed and I THINK about some ice cream or chips and salsa... GROSS! 

The energy is amazing too.  I wake up in the morning with a spring in my step like I haven't had in years.  If I want to go to bed early I can.  If I get caught up late, that's okay too.  Sometimes I get only 3 or 4 hours of sleep and sometimes I get 8.  It just depends on what I need to accomplish.  Regardless of the hours I get, I always feel good for the whole day. The increased, longer lasting energy has helped me accomplish more in my days.  

THE SIDE EFFECTS

Side effects are a bitch I am not going to lie.  I had a diarrhea for the first week and was severely constipated for the second.   This is partly due to the actual pill but also caused by the lack of fiber, greens, and food in general.  That wonderful appetite suppressant made me actually forget to eat for days at a time!  This is not good, though, and I quickly adjusted and set alarms to make myelf eat something good.  This ultimately will produce the best results. 

My mouth was a mess.  It became so dry that no amount of water could comfort it.  Then it broke out in sores.  I think I even had thrush for a spell.  I started taking one just every other day until my mouth became more comfortable.  I might next time just cut back to half a pill and see if that works.  

I also felt a little crazy, but in a good way.  The first few days I was bug eyed and overly enthusiastic of everything.  Some people can't stand this but it gave me the giggles.  I kind of miss it. :-)

At no point amidst the Adipex side effects, however, did I ever consider quitting my beloved phentermine.  Not even when I was sick in bed with a killer sinus infection and flu, and unable to take decongestant because of the Adipex conflict.  This stuff is a miracle.

I just had my first doctor appointment after 30 days on Adipex and I lost 18 lbs.  I was hoping for 12 based on my size and how much I have to lose.  I am optimistic that by the end of my 90 day affair with Phentermine that I will be feeling like my good old happy healthy self again.  

Do I recommend Adipex, you bet!  But it is powerful and potentially dangerous if not used properly and supervised by your doctor.

I have always been a fraidy cat, yet I never really considered a home alarm system until I had kids.  How about you?

I have called 911 on many several, convinced I was in trouble.   When I babysat and saw cars circling the block suspiciously I called 911 to report it.  I was informed it was the neighborhood watch patrol.  Cool!  I felt better.  Once while house sitting the power went out and windows and doors started banging.  Heck yeah I called 911.  The front door was jammed and I couldn't get it open when the FLEET of police got there.  I could see them through the front window and they could see me fighting with the front door but nothing was happening.  I just knew I was going to get chopped up from behind. There was a short that caused the outage and a logical explanation for everything when all was said and done.  But I was scared.  Then I once called 911 when I was home alone in our new house one evening.  I was informed that the gun shots were actually fireworks celebrating the Detroit Red Wings having just won the Stanley Cup.  

 Okay.  I quit reading Stephen King after that.  But I didn't think about getting an alarm system.  

I guess I only considered home alarms for material protection, not personal protection. We don't really have a lot of valuables.  I have never been a jewelry person or one who spends money on expensive things.  I might SPEND a lot of money, but it's on many lower value things! Haha!  Hubby has some guns but they are locked in a safe.  I guess I never really considered we had anything worth protecting.

But now we have the most precious things in our house that I have ever imagined and although I am never along at night anymore, nor do I get at all scared, I worry about the safety of my kids in this big bad world.  You hear stories about children being snatched from their own homes while everyone is home.  But you can't live like that... worrying like that... can you?

So the topic of setting up a home alarm system is on the table at our house.  I don't know many people that have them.  Do you?

There was a day when it was a joy to walk into my house.  The air was fresh and light, light poured through the house, and energy flowed without interruption.  There was no tripping and bumping into things.  No eyesores.  No clutter.  I felt the same way inside me.  I was energetic and light.  But now I feel like both me and my house are constipated.  Shit keeps piling up.  Meanwhile, money travels out of my pockets and my household like there are holes in each.  I think I need to Feng Shui us both.

If you think Feng Shui is too mystical or frou frou for you, think again.  Regardless of how deep you get into Feng Shui and its history, the basic idea at the core is the effect of object placement in the home.  Properly placed objects maintain balance, calm, and good fortune.  Improperly placed items produce clutter, chaos, and misfortune. 

Still not buying it?  Well then... every night before bed, put your coffee cup high on a top shelf behind some other cups where you can barely reach it.  Put a pile of shoes on the step leading out the door to your car.  Then put a large tall obstacle in your main walkway through the living room.  For two weeks live with these things placed this way.  Every morning when your eyes are barely open it will be a struggle to get your coffee cup down for your simple delicious morning wake up treat.  You will trip for a few days then become irritated by the act of carefully stepping around and over the pile of shoes which lays between you and the car on the way to work in the morning.  And every time you walk through the house you will have to maneuver around the large obstacle that blocks not only your path but your line of vision.  

How do you think all that inconvenience is going to affect your mood?  Will it move you forward or slow you down?  It's going to make you grumpy and late, that's how!  Which will of course make you less creative and product at work and prevent you from accomplishing and earning your maximum potential.  See how that works?  

Keeping things out of the way, de-cluttered and organized is easy.  Take it a step further now.  If keeping things out of your way will keep away negativity, it might not be far fetched to think that creating situations that make you think and feel positive and pleasant would result in increased success and happiness.  Think about what you like to see, smell, and hear.  Sunlight has a positive affect on most people.  I like the scent of eucalyptus and I enjoy water sounds.  So it would be good for me to keep the blinds open, spritz some mint & eucalyptus room spray, and plug in that little waterfall I bought 3 years ago.  The effects are subtle.  You don't even know it's working except that you might be less edgy or even chipper.  

Lastly, if you can now see how something like sun light can positively impact your life, you will be interested in some of the less obvious Feng Shui principles.  Like maximizing that sunlight by arranging your bed in the correct direction to make proper use of sunlight through windows.  Dig a little deeper into the ancient philosophies to find where the "money" area of your house is and where to hang crystals and wind chimes to keep your money and postive flowing energy flowing in the front door and through the house without escaping out the back door.

If you take a moment to find a book on the simplest tips and most basic aspects of Feng Shui you will find that wheter you are figuring where to hang the tv mount to avoid outside glare or design your front walk way to keep away evil spirits, there is always a solution.

One of my biggest issues following the adoption of our kids and leading to depression was my appearance.  Or the decline of it, I should say.  Although I would not have ever described myself as being a great beauty, I can say I was put together.  It gave me confidence at work to look sharp when dealing with clients.  I enjoyed the energy and abilities afforded to me by being strong and fit.  And I admit taking girlie joy in the compliments I received on my shoes or highlights.  The tools to achieve those things come at a price though, and when the budget changed, so did my appearance.

Although the current economy may have enriched my personal recession, it was actually the adoption that started the trouble in finances and planted the seed of depression.   Even before money got so tight, my confidence and self esteem as a new mother began deteriorating because of the challenges of suddenly spending my days with a three year old and 7 year old who were angry, abused, scared, and hell bent on taking it out on me.  This is not a"woe is me" story though.  Life is good!  I mention it only to shed a little light on how I fell apart before I even realized I was letting myself go and in need of a glamour solution. Now that my family is more settled and I've found my bootstraps and began pulling myself up, I have the sense to realize that when it comes to my cosmetics and beauty supplies, it doesn't have to be all or nothing.  Financial worry and other pressures should never interfere with looking your best.  

When I could no longer afford salon hair treatment, it didn't even occur to me to maintain it myself.  And when the makeup counter became too expensive I didn't even consider shopping  for low cosmetic prices  or investigating cheaper brands.  I just quit wearing it. Even my favorite single piece of makeup magic which I hadn't left the house without since high school... my lipstick. I never got to go anywhere anyway, and I didn't have time to primp.  With my spirits already on a downward spiral I didn't see any point in any of it.  With all my wits about me it is easy to see how taking the time to maintain my appearance would have made for a more healthy state of mind and provided me with necessary focus on myself that we all need.

Isn't being broke and exhausted bad enough without having to be ugly, too?  Even recession doesn't have to be that cruel. Whether you are buying a gift, going green, or tending to yourself you can practice some do it yourself as well as shop around to find solutions that fit your budget as well as your needs. 

I have really had the blues lately.  For about three years to be exact.  :-)  Once you get in such a funk it is hard to get back out.  I don't know exactly what did it for me but I had the momentary sense to call my doctor and things have only gotten better since then. 

In the last few years I have withdrawn from friends and family, disconnected from work, gained a lot of weight and become reclusive.  Now INSIDE my house, I'm fine.  My kids think I am so fun and happy.  That's because I am when I am home laughing and playing with them.  It's the rest of the world I couldn't handle.  

How or why I went so dark isn't important here.  We all have  "things" don't we?  Nobody wants to hear how to fall into deeper and deeper depression.  They want to know how to get out.  I know I sure wanted to know.  There were times when I would briefly wake up halfway, look around, and realize I wasn't myself.  But I didn't know what to do about it and I went back under.  If you ever find yourself there, try to remember that all you have to do is ask for help and you will be guided out of your dark cave.  People may notice you have changed somehow, but until you ask for help, they don't really know what to do.

For me, it was my doctor and that is where I would recommend anyone else to start turning it around.  I went in, told her that I didn't want a full exam, I just need to talk. By the end of the appointment I was in hysterics.  She made of plan of starting prozac immediately, then adding a diet pill after five weeks.  Therapy started immediately.  It has been 8 weeks now and I am a different person.  Not back to normal yet, but definitely out of the dark.  

The prozac made me more focused and less edgy.  The diet pill, called ADIPEX, gave me lasting energy which was a welcome addition considering at that time it was a challenge to get out of bed each day.  Then the appetite suppressant was better than I thought.  It didn't just manage my hunger, but actually made food a little repulsive so that I wasn't even tempted by chips or sweets.  

I am not cured yet.  Things are out of order in my life, having been neglected for years, but I am "awake" now and able to start cleaning up the messes I have made and getting caught up.  Nobody wants to be dependent on medication or other people to keep it together , but sometimes it just takes a little boost, from a doctor or a pill for instance, to bring you back to life so that you are able to do it yourself.   Remember that if you ever find yourself headed down a dark way, and just ask for help.