Well maybe it's not exactly time to put out the chaise lounge and the outdoor cushions yet, but it's close enough to think about it. :-)

We have had just a few bright sunshiney days and it gets me so excited for all the things I want to do.  I simply cannot wait to open up the patio door and windows while I clean house.  It's one of my favorite things. I've also been thinking about planting flowers and having a pretty lawn again.  OH THE SMILE KEEPS GETTING BIGGER!

How about bringing out the grill and the lawn furniture?  We always bring that stuff out too soon!  But there is just something blissful about smelling food grilling on the back deck, even in cooler weather, then dragging all the food and dishes outside for some backyard dining.

This has been a rough winter and I am sure I am not the only one so enthusiastically looking forward to the change in seasons and weather.  In the meantime, we will have to grill our corn and weiners on the stove top.   

So I'm all over the place, have you had a hard time catching up with me?  I haven't been staying anywhere too long and I haven't been very actively blogging.  I have been spending some time "healing" myself.

Oh you know I'm always on this diet or chasing that hair brained scheme... but I haven't been demonstrating any follow up.  As it turns out I have been depressed and I didn't even know it.  

Sure I have been under stress and experiencing frequent bouts of unhappiness over the last few years.  I might have even been heard saying, "Man I am so depressed!"  But I would have been referring to a temporary state of mind at that moment, not a "condition".  Then one day about two months ago I had a total breakdown and "lost it".  "Unraveled".  Until that moment, though, I wasn't aware at how hard I was working to "hold it together".  

I went to a therapist and she made me go to my physician whom I hadn't seen in 2 years.  When I got there I bawled and carried on like a lunatic.  I have been in treatment between the two of them ever since and I am feeling great!  I am fitting into clothes that were unthinkable 6 months ago and have energy that I thought I'd never feel again.  Every day something new amazes me about the way I feel and the realization of what I had become during the darkness of the past two years.

Today all I can think about is jewelry.  A year ago I would have told you I don't like jewelry.  I never wear it.  I am not a big diamond and jewel person but I like silver and I like beads.  Over the years I have stopped wearing my favorite pieces.  I just haven't taken the time.  But as I have lost some inches and am enjoying my wardrobe a little more, I get so excited to accessorize!

Weight gain and weight loss is such a complex issue that we have condensed into just looking fat or looking skinny.  But there is so much else involved psychologically.  Wearing jewelry again is just one example.  I can't wait to discover many more!

I guess it is ridiculous for me to ask you any questions since this silly blog does not have an option for comments. GEEZ that burns my butt.  I didn't realize until I had already done a lot of work to it and could not bare the idea of starting over elsewhere. Plus, other than the comment thing I find this platform so easy to use for me, which says a lot because I am not a puter whiz!  But I am curious how everyone spends their tax refunds.

We got ours last week and it's a biggie!  Woohoo!  Hubby has extra taken out of his check to generate a bigger refund that will help offset what I would owe, being a Realtor whose taxes do not get deducted from commission checks.  AND since real estate was a real bust my income was sadly low.  But woohoo!  Big refund!

We have had fun thinking about what we could spend it on.  Hubby wants a new mountain bike.  I want a sleep number bed. (My legs kick and spasm all night and I can't get comfy!)  Or maybe new furniture. Mine is looking pretty shabby.  Oh!  And  new blinds. We definitely need those.  My Daughter9 wants a maid, and Son13 just wants video games.  

So many choices but oh what to do!  Sigh.  Hubby just paid off the Visa bill with last summer's vacation and Christmas on it.    Oh well, maybe next year.  Did you get to splurge on anything?  Sign the guest book and let me know!